
I have been challenged with our study “40 days of love.” To say that it has been difficult would be an understatement. I must be completely honest and say that before committing to the study, I viewed myself as a loving person. I am re-evaluating that based on the challenge in the book, that Jesus commands us to love as He loved.
Being a person that is loving, is different than loving people as Jesus loves. That is the challenge for me. Let’s be honest, it is a cake walk to love people who reciprocate that love, who are easy to love and receive what you bring to the relationship. I do not think that is the premise of our book that we are studying.
What does that look like when there is a relationship that is frequented with disappointment, pain, breaches of trust and a history of heartache? Well, I'm finding out that by allowing these principles to be lived out daily that amazing things really can and will happen.
When the study first started for me, we were all challenged with the first week of finding someone to love and reach out to. I was sitting there during our small group and instantly a person came to my mind. It was my step daughter. I thought, “there is no way, God.. I must have a bad signal, how about another name?” So, then he gave me the name of a friend who I had become very close to, where a conflict had occured and I just walked away from the relationship. She had a gossiping tongue that I had been on the receiving end of that gossip many times. I loved her dearly, but could not allow that toxic relationship to continue. I have missed her terribly, but not the toxicity of her treatment.
So, I am thinking, “great these are my choices?” It is going to be a long 40 days. Within one week of the study starting, my step daughter, has started coming over, along with our nine month old grand daughter. To some people this may not be a big deal. To us it is nothing short of miraculous. We have experienced an “on again, off again relationship” with her for years. It has been even more challenging since the baby was born. We have been heart broken and confused. We have tried to reach out so many times, but have not been received. So, getting back into contact was risky.
To make a long story short, we have been having weekly family time with our daughter and grand daughter. She decided that Sunday would be a great day for family time. She suggested it! Imagine that. Through this time, She has opened up and shared some things about her life that we were not aware of. There were choices she has made and caused her to feel ashamed and confused. Those choices left her to feeling isolated and alone.
The beauty of it is, love covers a multitude of sins. God’s love is sufficient to move in any situation, if we allow it. As I sit here and right today, I am sitting in a room with my husband, our youngest son, our daughter and grand daughter. We are having family time. Just hanging out and enjoying each others company, giving each other grace to grow and loving her back to life.
I have learned in this whole process, that as much as I love people, I sometimes do not know how to handle conflict, especially when I am hurt. I really am thankful for the model and example that Christ sets for us. I do not have to rely on myself to make it work. In fact, my self reliance has gotten in my way quite a bit. I need to remember to invite God into those places where I feel inadequate in handling a situation. I know that seems simple, but it is true.
Kara Baird- Prairie Ridge church member